I pick my battles, whether about my family or my profession. Long ago, I learned to compromise and decide what is really important. And then not to sweat it , when it isn’t.

Things weren’t always that way. I used to worry about everything–little, big and middle sized–and I was exhausted ALL THE TIME. Suddenly, I realized I was crabby and not always pleasant to be around. I had to do something to change.

One day, in a moment of weakness, I decided it wasn’t really important to have my church choir rehearsal begin at 7 pm (more convenient for me) but 7:15, when the Session meeting would be over, would be fine and I could stop arguing about it with the late comers from the Session meeting. I would potentially have more singers able to join me. It was a win/win situation. After I decided this simple 15 minute compromise, I discovered an added benefit, I felt, physically better–less stressed. And, my choir and the new folks who joined us, thought better of me.

What other places in my life could I pick my battles? My kids wore their hair longer than I preferred but weren’t dyeing it purple–I could live with longer hair but not the purple! As all three are lovely young men now, they have not dyed or pierced anything–that I know of–yet. I look at it this way, it is not “during my watch” any longer and as adults, they can do anything they want with their own appearance. I have to “let it go”. My relationships with them–and my blood pressure–are more important to me then their crazy fashion choices.

One of the first members of my chamber choir–a rather large bear of a bass–told me he wasn’t comfortable wearing a tuxedo but he would, if I insisted. He really hated to wear one in the spring and summer because it was hot and he was a big guy and……..well, you can imagine. I held fast about the tuxes for our first few concert cycles. Then I thought, perhaps since our spring concert is always secular and a less formal event, perhaps the men could wear colored shirts and black pants–and, my gift to that bass–no tie? It has worked very, very well. The men still wear their tuxes for the fall concert but in the spring, they can be more relaxed. And I have gotten the reputation of being easy to work with. Win/win, in my opinion.

A colleague used to ask himself, in regard to picking battles, “is this the hill you want to die on”? I think we as leaders in the choral community have to ask ourselves that question repeatedly. What is really important–the matching blacks of our sopranos and altos or the vocal sounds they produce?