There are two things I love to do when I’m not conducting or singing–planning my garden, and gardening. There is lots of time for planning here in the Midwest! When the weather finally lets up so we can garden, I barrel in, sometimes leaving my best laid plans in the dust. …..This year, the planning and the barreling in have merged and I have the best, prettiest garden I ever have. Things I have planned for years have finally reached their maturity and many of my hair brained last minute inspirations don’t seem so hair brained with success. My herbs especially have done well and I have already begun harvesting and freezing so we may have some their sunshine when the snow replaces the plants in a few months.

Sitting under the maple tree with a cool drink the other day and enjoying the garden, I thought about all my planning for the Midwest Motet Society, how much it’s like planning for the garden. Some of my ideas have reached maturity and have shown sense in them when I felt unsure initially. My research, planning and sometimes, my barreling in have proven worth the time I spent doing it. I “pulled weeds” that seemed to be clogging the group, have tried new things and have gone with my gut, just like I have with my garden. And “herbs” have been preserved to enjoy and use later in the dead of winter, when all is dark.

My mother used to tell me to “be nice”……be nice to neighbors, classmates, those who needed our help, teachers and my grandma. She expected us to not “be ugly” by talking about people behind their backs or excluding someone just for spite.

I have tried to carry that over to my adult life, but in the music business it is easier said than done. I am kind to those who audition for me, no matter what. I am pleasant to those I work with and try to be nice to my peers. If only others behaved that way!

Recently, I have been “frozen dead” by a person of my musical acquaintance. He doesn’t work in the same genre as I, but our paths occasionally cross. He is talented and I have even recommended him to someone who needed a person of his talent, yet, I am “dead” to him for some reason.

I don’t know why I am being treated this way but I am uncomfortable with spending any time around him. I will have to explain–or give a reasonable “excuse”–the next time I am expected to be. I really don’t want to explain since I have no idea why he is doing this. I thought he was a better person than his spiteful behavior portrays him. I can be the better person by trying to rise above this. Perhaps he will realize that no good can come from this, only hard feelings. And it is on his end, not mine.

After the concert, and before the new session of auditions and other madness begins, I get reflective. This week, I am doing a little bit of self-analysis.

Quite bluntly, I wish I were a better person. In my bio–almost all my bios–it speaks of my interest in the arts for those with disabilities. I wish I could say that interest came naturally–it didn’t. I became interested in those with disabilities only because I became a mother of someone with a disability. And, I wanted my son to have opportunities to perform and learn about music and, really, to have music in his life, like his non-disabled brothers.

I used music as tool when Russell was young to teach him things. I found he listened and focused better if I sang a request or he calmed down if I put on some Bach. When he was older, I insisted he become a music inclusion student. I can honestly say, music changed his life, gave him an interest in something and helped him gain some control of his emotions.

If I was a better person, perhaps I would have realized children with disabilities could benefit from music. Perhaps, having Russell in my life has made me a better person, and for that, I am grateful.

Last Sunday was our spring concert. From the very beginning, I liked our repertoire, of course, but I didn’t fall in LOVE with it until much later. Some times, it’s like that…….directors choose music and we like it and even may know it, but we don’t fall in love until much later.

Since the MMS is a community choir, I can choose what I like. It is a real blessing but it also can be overwhelming. Added to the fact, I want each concert to be different—chamber choir music is only limited by our imagination–and sometimes, I am at a loss.

This spring’s repertoire was not what I had originally planned. I had planned to do the Bartok and the Neue Liebeslieder but things didn’t work that way, so I let my imagination soar! I am glad it did.

To a singer, everyone loved the music. Our audiences loved the music. Even the minister at Prince of Peace (a St. Olaf alum) loved the music. And this music touched me in a way I hadn’t expected. This wasn’t what I had planned but……..but I am so happy with how it worked out.

This concert cycle is almost over. Our last concert of the spring will be this coming Sunday. It’s a little bittersweet to finish the music and leave it, after the rehearsal journey we’ve been through together. It’s also a little bittersweet to realize we won’t see each other again until August, when we begin a new journey.

I am blessed with a wonderful group of singers, pianists and “ringers” I can count on and will miss seeing . I know the summer will fly and we will begin a new journey soon enough.

The music is great, though, and I look forward to Sunday. Come and join us!